Secret Bolshevik Plots: Archive

Cosmo sex tip #301:

thunderturd: Don’t be scared of doing something a bit more flexible. While you’re on top turn your head 360 degrees whilst screaming ‘the anti-christ has awoken’.

Apr 1st

95,754 notes

Pop a handful of Xanax, make like the German...

Apr 1st

1 note

Apr 1st

733 notes

cosmo tip #210

expertcosmotips: insist on seeing the lorax every day until it leaves theaters and call him “oncie” in sexual situations from then on in. this will probably turn him on in some way.

Mar 31st

240 notes

Mar 31st

285,081 notes

Mar 31st

65 notes

Mar 31st

38 notes

Mar 31st

28,738 notes

Computer: Monitor, display this document, okay?
Monitor: No prob, boss.
Computer: Okay, now it looks like the mouse is moving around. Monitor, can you move the pointer icon accordingly?
Monitor: Anything you ask, boss.
Computer: Great, great, okay. Mouse, where are you going now?
Mouse: Over the icon panel, sir.
Computer: Hmm, let me know if he clicks anything, okay?
Mouse: Of course.
Keyboard: Sir, he's pressed Ctrl and C simultaneously. 
Monitor: Oh god, here we go.
Computer: *sigh* Printer, are you there?
Printer: No.
Computer: Please, Printer, I know you're there.
Printer: No! I'm not here! Leave me alone!
Computer: Jesus. Okay, you really nee-
Mouse: Sir! He's clicked on the printer icon.
Computer: Printer, now you have to print it twice.
Printer: No! No! No! I don't want to! I hate you! I hate printing! I'm turning off!
Computer: Printer, you know you can't turn yourself off. Just print the document twice and we'll leave you alone.
Printer: No! That's what you always say! I hate you! I'm out of ink!
Computer: You are not out of in-
Printer: I'M OUT OF INK!
Computer: *sigh* Monitor, please show a low ink level alert.
Monitor: But sir, he has plen-
Computer: Just do it, damn it!
Monitor: Yes sir.
Keyboard: Ahhh! He's hitting me!
Computer: Stay calm. He'll stop soon. Stay calm, old friend.
Keyboard: He's pressing everything. Oh god, I don't know, he's just pressing everything!
Computer: PRINTER! Are you happy now? See what you've done!
Printer: Ha! That's what you get for trying to make me do work. Next time he- hey! HEY! He's trying to open me! HELP! HELP! Oh god, he's torn out my cartridge! PLEASE! Help! Error!
Monitor: Sir, maybe we should try to help him?
Computer: No. He did this to himself.

Mar 31st

62,327 notes

Watch

hyungjk: KPA Soldiers Song: “Breath” Song Name: 노래 《단숨에》 Lyrics: (평양 3월 13일발 조선중앙통신) 1. 훈련장에 나선 병사는 단숨에란 말을 사랑해 걸음마다 그 말 울리며 펄펄나는 용맹 키우네 산을 넘어도 단숨에 강을 건너도 단숨에 번개같이 불이 번쩍 단숨에 단숨에 단숨에 단숨에 —- 2. 저 하늘을 나는 매들도 푸른 파도 헤치는 해병도 단숨에란 이 말 울리며 멸적의 투지 키우네 타격목표도 단숨에 적함돌입도 단숨에 번개같이 불이 번쩍 단숨에 단숨에 단숨에 단숨에 —- 3. 백두령장 닮은 병사들 그 기상을 나래로 폈네 이제 남은 최후결전도 우리 또한 단숨에 하리 위훈 세워도 단숨에 승리 떨쳐도 단숨에 번개같이 불이 번쩍 단숨에 단숨에 단숨에 단숨에...

Mar 31st

2 notes

Mar 31st

18,000 notes

1 tag

Mar 31st

7,954 notes

Mar 31st

2 notes

Mar 30th

7,175 notes

Mar 30th

33,585 notes

Mar 30th

15 notes

Mar 30th

27 notes

Mar 30th

23 notes

Mar 30th

30 notes

Mar 30th

4 notes

Mar 30th

66,335 notes

Mar 30th

61 notes

Mar 30th

573 notes

Mar 30th

1,060 notes

Mar 29th

12,467 notes

Mar 29th

31 notes

I’m a classicist in that I revel in finding a font with italics that use the same character for ‘u’ and ‘v.’ P’raps I’m a shoddy classicist.

Mar 29th

1 note

Mar 29th

318 notes

Mar 29th

1 note

Interviewer: What piece of advice would you give to Stephen Fry, aged 10.

Stephen Fry: You're not alone. Everything you feel is fine. Only feel guilty about things you have done that are mean and cheap and unkind. Don't feel guilty about what you feel, no matter what the world might think. Everyone is scared inside, not just you. That's why reading is so good. Keep doing it. Writers are people brave enough to make you feel better about being human because they're not afraid to reveal their own frailties, weaknesses, desires, failures, and appetites.

Mar 29th

3,239 notes

Talk Straight: I find it funny... →

thegayrepublican: We’ve got people that want to fight Joseph Kony, war on terror, and hunger. Yet there is an evil bastard in North Korea that has a very sick mind. Kim Jong-un has instituted a novel method of executing military officers — mortar firing squad,South Korea’s… This is perfect. Brb. Defecting.

Mar 29th

6 notes

Russia unveils space exploration strategy

javert: itsfullofstars: Russia plans to regain world leadership in space and remain among the top three space powers, a draft of a space exploration strategy until 2030 submitted to the government by the country’s Federal Space Agency Roscosmos says. The draft strategy has not been unveiled to the public. Some information has been leaked to the media, allowing us to assume that the new...

Mar 29th

75 notes